October 29, 2013

I dislike both passive aggressive behavior and hypocrites. That's why I'm saying this on air instead of talking to anyone face to face about it.

October 22, 2013

Before breaking up with someone heinous either 1. Hide a dead flounder in their apartment or 2. Write them a note saying you did.

October 15, 2013

Some cultures say that getting pooped on by a bird is good luck.  It is, if you own a dry cleaners.

October 8, 2013

No one should say the words "cottage cheese" within hearing distance of women in bathing suits.

October 1, 2013

Refusing to write a will is not the magic key to immortality.