Pip's

Wednesday, October 23, 2013

Before breaking up with someone heinous either 1. Hide a dead flounder in their apartment or 2. Write them a note saying you did.

Some cultures say that getting pooped on by a bird is good luck. It is, if you own a dry cleaners.

No one should say the words "cottage cheese" within hearing distance of women in bathing suits.

Refusing to write a will is not the magic key to immortality.

Don't use up two parking spaces in a crowded parking lot unless you have a ready supply of car touch up paint.

The speed of the car in front of you is inversely proportionate to the desperation with which you need to get home to the bathroom.

Even if you are St. Francis, you only have about a 75% chance of keeping your friend's hamster alive until they get home from vacation.