Pip's

Wednesday, December 18, 2013

If some people tried to sell their brains, the major selling point would be low mileage.

If your living room is filled with roaches...that probably means you are totally out of snacks.

Whenever someone starts a sentence with, "In all honesty" or "To tell you the truth", you are about to be lied to.

First Place - Mr Gee - The last bus home is the one you just missed

Second Place - Trucker Tom - The one day you need everything to go right is the one day it goes horribly wrong

Third Place - Jill B - Always leave the bar before the lights come back on.

Staples are to sewing as pickle juice is to lube. It might get the job done, but you won't be happy with the results.

I dislike both passive aggressive behavior and hypocrites. That's why I'm saying this on air instead of talking to anyone face to face about it.

Before breaking up with someone heinous either 1. Hide a dead flounder in their apartment or 2. Write them a note saying you did.